Mr. Clock Radio Counts Down The Horror

29Jun08

Holy Shit... this is my clock radio !!?

AAAAAAH! DEMON!!!!

Oh, excuse me. I thought I was in the Twilight Zone…but that would certainly explain a lot.

If you’ve seen this thing in action, you would come to realize that Mr. Clock Radio’s sole mission is to brown the underwear that you’ve freshly donned. And brown it does. Oh by the way, it doubles as an alarm clock. But ask yourself…could you sleep comfortably, with your back turned with this thing not five feet away from you?

Mr. Clock Radio doesn’t just drone on and on until you’ve reached semi consciousness, it replays 50-some variations of the same horrific message with soul-stomping results. Elevator music amplifies this by ten folds. Way I see it, Mr. Clock Radio is is kind of like having Chucky’s decapitated remains piked onto an electronic pedestal. That same high-pitched cry. Those same lifeless eyes. That unsurpassed look of pure evil smeared effortlessly from ear to ear. Actually, you know what? I’m wrong. This is worse. It’s so incredibly evil that Sauron would kill to have thought of this first. Screw the ring. This would be his precious.

But I have come to realize that this contraption might just do the trick for drowsy mornings. Mr. Clock Radio’s pants-wetting stare makes it very difficult for people to keep their eyes closed. I do see a conflict though. How can you stay asleep, if you can’t fall asleep in the first place? Hmm. Another reason not to buy this.

There is one point of interest in the video, specifically at the 0:25 – 0:29 mark. After Mr. Clock Radio introduces HIS OWN ability to wake others up (oh crap! it’s self aware) he proceeds in giving a demonstration. Where some people would here the words, “Wake up! Wake up!” all I could here was Mr. Clock Radio yelling, “AND DIE! AND DIE! AND DIE!” Coincidence? I think not. And what’s that thing he says after? You snooze you lose!? Is that a threat?

Mr. Clock Radio will force-feed you huge caldrons of distasteful rhetoric and fear. You have been warned.

See Mr. Clock Radio In Action